Friday, April 28, 2006
For an inherently cynical guy like me an operation served as another lesson, well another one in a season of lessons i guess. Basically i needed to get operated for removal of fatty tissue which had got embedded in the form of hernia. A minor operation at that but since i had the priviledge of joining on a credit note i joined in as in patient in Kamineni. Dont know if that is the procedure or is it a method to collect a lot of money but i was put through a host of test s before the operation day. I was apprehensive alright but the cynicism helps i guess in that you do not expect to be surprised. I was only feeling bad becuase as usual Appa had to bear the brunt of the work because of yours truly. I always speak of unconditional love, he probably represents that. I dont ever recall being told 'Srickant do this or that', hehe except in one case :). When they put you on the stretcher you realize that the age old game theory comes into hand. Everything just rotates, you put your life in the surgeon's hand, he can basically do anything. For all the mistrust that humans place against each other inthe normal life it is amazing how much trust we have in the experts. Reservation my foot, if the doc 's credentials aint good he would not be able to garner a single patient. My case was taken as exploratory, which meant that it could turn out to be anything. Again for an information fed person like me, enough to set the alarm bells ringing. Wehn you are under those lights with strange people ( nurses and other doctors) asking you strange questiosn so as to help you relax while being given the anesthetic is a dreadful feeling. You just dont know what will happen ot your body, given to the surgeon with your and your guardian's consent. Appa must have been pained even more. Woke up after a long time with pure and absolute pain towards the left of my abdomen. For some time i was awestruck buy the strength of the emotion. The pain was stupendous, but then the nruses explained that only a little bit of flesh was removed and i had been stitched up and asked me not ot go to sleep. Pain exacerbates as soon as you begin to feel it. My mind was wandering towards people who intentionally pierce their body, to soldiers who get cut up in battle, to people who get cut up in bomb explosions and to mothers who allow themselves to be completely cut up for the sake of their unborn child. Pain, how they must feel that pain. It is probably one of the greatest levellers. Did i have doubts about my belief in God, those were gone in the few moments when i was wishing the pain and the burning to be gone completely. I was on drips till the anesthetic wore off and eveyr time i woke up the burning and pain seemed to worsen. The only thing i could think of was pain, my whole body seemed to give way to the pain in some way or the other. I managed to keep it off my face lest appa was too alarmed. But that pain i understood must be minimal when compared with the pain of millions of others. And pain gives you a chance ot look at life in a different perspective i guess. Maybe it will change for the better or for the worse, that is debatable as usual. I also understand how pain unites. My small operation and the resulting pain united me in a small way with the millions of others who were feeling pain in some way or the other. No wonder many of these people form organizations, religious orders etc. Nothing connects like pain. I am lucky to have had excellent care but there are many who shall not have the chance. Again i was left questioning my role if any in the actions that take place. Do i happen ot have any free will? or it purely an illusion. my feeling of pain was the biggest surprise of my life. but it is an illusion too as it wont last for long. maybe thats how things are supposed to be, illusions, some merely lasting longer than the others.